Lapse and Relapse in Eating Disorder Recovery:
What Families and Carers Need to Know
Recovering from an eating disorder rarely follows a straight line. It’s often a journey of twists and turns – progress followed by setbacks; hope followed by doubt. For families and carers, seeing a loved one struggle after making progress can be incredibly disheartening and anxiety-provoking.
But setbacks are not failures. In fact, they’re a normal part of the recovery journey. Understanding the difference between a lapse and relapse, and how to respond, can help you support your loved one with compassion and confidence.
Fill The Gap Counsellor Kellie Hansen offers insights and advice for carers when their loved one has a lapse or relapse in eating disorder recovery.
Lapse vs Relapse: What’s the difference?
Lapse
A lapse is a brief return to eating disorder thoughts or behaviours. This could look like skipping a meal, engaging in a compensatory behaviour, or feeling overwhelmed by body image distress. Lapses are common and do not erase progress.
Relapse
A relapse is a more sustained return to eating disorder behaviours and mindset. It may look like withdrawal from support systems, ongoing food restriction, or consistent engagement in compensatory behaviours.
An easy way to think about it: a lapse is like tripping on a step, while a relapse is like falling down the stairs. Both can be upsetting, but neither is a sign of failure. Recovery remains possible, and support from loved ones is critical during these times.
What might contribute to a lapse or relapse?
Many factors can contribute to a setback in recovery. These may include:
Life transitions (e.g., changing schools or jobs, starting university),
Stressful or traumatic events,
Illness, fatigue, or disruptions to daily routine
Perfectionism or a sense of failure
Isolation from supports
Relationship conflict
Body image concerns or changes in weight
These experiences can feel destabilising, and it’s often during these times that your loved one may need extra support, structure, and connection.
How can I support my loved one through a lapse or relapse?
Your calm, steady presence matters. Here are some practical and compassionate ways to support your loved one:
Regulate yourself first. Panic or blame will only add to the pressure. Your steadiness can help regulate your loved one’s emotions. Offer gentle reassurance such as “Recovery is hard and this is part of the process. I am here for you.”
Create connection. Spend time together – watching a show, going for a gentle walk, or simply sitting together. Connection helps combat the isolation and shame that can come with a setback.
Acknowledge your concerns with warmth and curiosity. You might say, “you’ve seemed more withdrawn lately. I’m wondering if anything’s feeling hard around food or body stuff?”
Reinforce structure and routine. Offer help with regular meals, grocery shopping, or meal prep. Routine can be grounding during emotionally chaotic times.
Encourage reconnection with professional supports. If your loved one is no longer connected with a GP, dietitian or counsellor, now may be the time to gently encourage them to re-engage. You can offer to help find someone, make an appointment, or attend as emotional support – while also respecting their preferences.
Stay in the present and focus on today.
Hold hope: Recovery is still possible
A lapse or relapse doesn’t erase the progress your loved one has made. Though painful, setbacks can offer valuable insight: highlighting stressors, unmet needs, or areas where extra support is needed. With understanding, connection, and compassion, you can help guide your loved one back toward recovery.
Additional Reading:
About Fill The Gap Counsellor Kellie Hansen
Kellie is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and credentialed eating disorder clinician with over 10 years of experience working in mental health. She brings both professional experience and lived experience of eating disorder recovery. Kellie offers a trauma-informed, compassionate, and non-judgemental space for carers aged 10 years+, providing practical tools, guidance, and support.
If you’d like to learn more about lapse and relapse, or explore other strategies to support your loved one’s recovery, Eating Disorders Families Australia (EDFA) offers lived experienced and expert support to assist you and your loved one on the recovery journey.
EDFA’s FREE Online Support Groups offer a safe space for you to connect with other carers of a loved one with an eating disorder Australia-wide.
EDFA’s Fill The Gap counselling service offer free, one-on-one online counselling to support carers in navigating the challenges of caring for a loved one with an eating disorder or disordered eating concerns.
Please contact Administrative Assistant Bailey Wightman on 03 9125 5670 or email bailey.wightman@edfa.org.au if you need support accessing the service.
About Eating Disorders Families Australia
Eating Disorders Families Australia (EDFA) is the only national organisation solely for carers and families of those with an eating disorder. EDFA provides support, EDucation, advocacy, and FREE online counselling services and annual membership. EDFA has a private Facebook forum, providing a safe place for eating disorder carers and family members to share experiences, seek advice and assistance, and find hope.