Supporting Families and Siblings After an Eating Disorder Diagnosis
When a family member is diagnosed with an eating disorder, the ripple effect touches everyone. It’s like a storm that shakes the foundations of a home, leaving everyone scrambling to find their footing. The focus is naturally on the individual living with the eating disorder, but the needs of siblings and the entire family unit are just as crucial.
Here’s a heartfelt guide on how to support families and siblings during this turbulent time, from one who has walked a similar path.
Communication
Talking to siblings about the eating disorder is where it all begins. It’s about striking the right balance between honesty and sensitivity.
For younger kids, simple explanations work best. “Your sister/brother is sick and needs help to get better” might be enough. Or you can liken it to an illness they are familiar with, like a cold. Teenagers, on the other hand, may require more detailed discussions.
Stress that the eating disorder is an illness, not a choice, and reassure them that their feelings are valid and important. Encourage them to ask questions and express their concerns. Create a daily check-in with them so they know that they have a time dedicated to them and you know you are staying connected to them.
The Essentials
Siblings should understand the basics: what an eating disorder is, how it affects their loved one, and what the treatment involves. It’s a delicate dance between providing enough information to prevent misunderstandings without causing unnecessary worry. They don’t need every detail, just enough to grasp the situation and feel informed.
Depending on their age, it will vary how involved they are in being part of the care team. But regardless of what they are aware of or part of, it will affect them, so it is important that they are part of these conversations. Avoid keeping them in the dark to protect them.
They will be affected by the eating disorder regardless of what we do or say, so it is important to talk about it.
The Balancing Act: Routine, Family Duties, Support, Stability
Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder is challenging in so many ways. Routines can help. They provide structure and a beacon of normalcy in chaotic times. Simple activities can make a big difference:
- Saturday night movie:
Establish a weekly family activity that can be easily organised. It may be something done within the home, or a familiar place outside of the home. Maybe it’s taking the family dog to the park, playing a board game, or watching a movie every Saturday night. This daily occurrence provides opportunity for connection and decompression. - Traditions, new and old:
Create new traditions that accommodate everyone’s needs. This can foster a sense of unity within the family, ensuring everyone feels included. Maintain old traditions where possible to provide stability and comfort. When an eating disorder impacts a family, often it is the centre of attention. It is important to try and do things that aren’t always focussed on the eating disorder when possible. - Parental Duties:
Distribute tasks among family members and don’t hesitate to seek outside help if needed. Accept extra support from family if possible. Do you have someone who has always said “if you need anything just let me know”? Call them. - Support:
Eating disorders till have a lot of judgement and stigma attached to them and this can leave us feeling isolated and silenced. Reach out to a professional or a support group and give yourself space to process your experiences. Encourage your family members to do the same. For adults, they can connect with our Fill the Gap counsellors. For young people, try to utilise school counselling, community-based services or encourage them to speak with you or their friends. Fill The Gap counselling is also available to those aged 10+ so siblings can access their own support as well. EDFA also provides specific support for siblings, including a dedicated online support group for siblings over 18.
Family Occasions and Responding to Insensitive Comments
Family gatherings can be fraught with tension. Prepare siblings for the possibility that their loved one might miss certain events. Explain that this isn’t about a lack of love or desire to be with the family, but a necessary part of recovery. Encourage them to express their feelings of disappointment and validate their emotions.
Insensitive remarks like “just make them eat” or “they’re just putting it on” can sting. Respond with empathy and education. Explain that eating disorders are complex mental health conditions requiring professional treatment. Share information about the nature of the disorder and the challenges involved in recovery.
Remember, it isn’t your role to ensure everyone is educated, some may still respond with ignorance. When this happens, realise that your time and energy is better spent elsewhere.
Conclusion
Supporting a family member with an eating disorder is a journey filled with challenges. It requires patience, understanding, and an abundance of compassion. By fostering open communication, maintaining family connections, and creating a supportive home environment, families can navigate this difficult period together, emerging stronger and more united. The path isn’t easy, but with love and resilience, it’s one that can lead to recovery and renewed bonds.
Alisha Armstrong is an accredited counsellor with personal lived experience of being in a caring role for a sister with Anorexia Nervosa. She is very passionate about providing support to both adult carers and young supporters aged 10-17 years.
EDFA’s Fill The Gap counselling service provides FREE essential access to tailored, online, one-on-one counselling support for carers and young supporters (aged 10-17 years) of those with eating disorders, at any stage of the eating disorder journey.
Alisha Armstrong is an accredited counsellor with personal lived experience of being in a caring role for a sister with Anorexia Nervosa. She is very passionate about providing support to both adult carers and young supporters aged 10-17 years.
EDFA’s Fill The Gap counselling service provides FREE essential access to tailored, online, one-on-one counselling support for carers and young supporters (aged 10-17 years) of those with eating disorders, at any stage of the eating disorder journey.
Please contact contact Administrative Assistant Bailey Wightman on 03 9125 5670 or email bailey.wightman@edfa.org.au if you need support accessing the service.
EDFA is excited to announce that we are developing engaging and practical toolkits designed specifically for children and adolescents (aged 10-17) who are supporting a sibling with an eating disorder. These resources will offer valuable coping strategies to help siblings manage stress, set healthy boundaries, and prioritise self-care.
Stay connected for updates! Follow EDFA on social media or subscribe to our e-newsletter to be the first to know when these toolkits become available.
Additional Resource Recommendations
- What I Wish Someone Had Told My Parents – FEAST (feast-ed.org)
- Strong Enough Podcast: Sibling Support: For a deeper dive into supporting siblings of individuals with eating disorders where Alisha shares insights and guidance on sibling support.
- Carolyn Costin – Recovery Coaches
About Eating Disorders Families Australia
Eating Disorders Families Australia (EDFA) is the only national organisation solely for carers and families of those with an eating disorder. EDFA provides support, EDucation, advocacy, and FREE online counselling services and annual membership. EDFA has a private Facebook forum, providing a safe place for eating disorder carers and family members to share experiences, seek advice and assistance, and find hope.