The Role Of Identity In Recovery – When An Eating Disorder Feels Like Part Of Who You Are
Recovery from an eating disorder is often framed as a process of behavioural change, such as following a meal plan, shifting from rigid to flexible exercise habits, or practising mindful eating. But for many, recovery runs deeper. It requires a reworking of the self. This occurs when an eating disorder affects how one sees and values themselves, making recovery feel as thought they are losing a part of who they are – from clothing choices (Eating Recovery Centre, 2023) to the environments that feel safe to visit (healthtalk.org, n.d.).
This blog from volunteer Alex Mruk offer some insights into eating disorder recovery and the role of identity.
When the Eating Disorder Feels Like “You”
For many people, the eating disorder can become more than just a diagnosis. It can become a defining feature of the person’s identity. This can be true when one begins treatment with an unclear sense of self, marked by confusion about their values, beliefs, roles, and experiences, leading to a fragmented identity (Ormhaug & Eriksen, 2023). In the absence of a clear self-concept, the eating disorder can serve as a ‘pseudo-identity,’ offering structure, purpose, or control in an otherwise overwhelming and unpredictable world (Pollack et al., 2023).
In these moments, it can be challenging separating the “self” from the eating disorder. People may become overidentified with the disorder, internalising labels like “the healthy one” or “the fit one”, which can block identity development (Behind The Bite, 2023). This overidentification doesn’t just shape internal self-perception. It also influences outward aspects of life, such as the clothes one wears to hide or highlight certain features of their body (Eating Recovery Center, 2023), the hobbies one prioritises (YoungMinds, 2023), the social media content one consumes (Reverence Recovery, 2023), and even the venues one avoids due to discomfort or triggering environments (HealthTalk, 2023).
Additional reading:
Clothes Shopping in Eating Disorder Recovery: Why and How to Rebuild Your Wardrobe
Behind The Bite Podcast, Episode 124: Recovered? Or Not?
Young Minds, Rediscovering your identity in eating disorder recovery
Reverence Recovery, Eating Disorders And Identity In The Social Media Age
Health Talk, Social life and public places
The Loss People Fear
Letting go of an eating disorder often comes with the fear of losing a piece of oneself. When the illness has been a central way of coping, defining, and relating to the world, recovery can feel like stepping into an identity “vacuum”. Many describe the disorder as having provided a framework, as something that made them feel capable, in control, or even special in some way (Emily Program, 2023). Without it, they’re unsure of who they will be or how they will come to value themselves.
This fear of identity loss is not just emotional, it’s also social. Eating disorders often lead to withdrawal and secrecy, taking a toll on relationships with close friends and family members (Acute.org, 2023). Being “seen” without the eating disorder can bring up vulnerability and shame, especially when the illness has served as a coping mechanism and a way to relate to the world for so long (Emily Program, 2023).
Additional reading:
The Emily Program, Who Am I Without My Eating Disorder?
Recovery as an Identity Shift
Therefore, recovery is not just the absence of disordered behaviour. It involves forming a new, or reclaimed, identity that feels authentic and whole to the self. A study by Nowicka and colleagues (2022) emphasised that identity transformation is central to long-term recovery. Namely, people who were able to connect their recovery identity with other valued roles, like being a student, a friend, or an advocate, were more likely to maintain progress. When recovery is positioned in opposition to the eating disorder identity, internal conflict can arise. But when recovery becomes part of a broader, more meaningful sense of self, the process be perceived as more practical and sustainable.
Rebuilding a Sense of Self
Rebuilding identity often starts with reconnecting to core values, which regard the deeper beliefs about what matters in life (Mind Body Well, 2023). The eating disorder might have prevented one from embracing these values – prioritising control, achievement, or appearance above other important things in life (Pollack et al., 2023). In turn, reflecting on what actually brings meaning, purpose, and connection outside of the disorder can help shift this mindset.
Whether it’s art, nature, learning, or helping others, engaging in new experiences allows space for personal traits to emerge in safer, non-harmful ways (Mind Body Well, 2023). For example, perfectionism or attention to detail, which are traits often reflected in the eating disorder, can be expressed through hobbies like creative projects or engaging in volunteering within the community.
Social reconnection is also key. Being present in relationships, expressing emotions openly, and having a space to be known beyond the eating disorder allows for a richer and more flexible identity to form (Mind Body Well, 2023). Community spaces, whether therapeutic groups, online forums, or peer networks, also offer opportunities to experiment with identity, to see yourself mirrored in others’ stories, and to feel less alone in the struggle (Within Health, 2023).
Even learning to set boundaries, which is something often compromised in the rigid routines accompanied by many eating disorder presentations, can be a powerful step toward identity development (Acute.org, 2023). This is a way of reclaiming agency and recognising one’s worth outside of complying with pressures they may place on themselves.
More Than Recovery
Reflecting on my experience, recovery isn’t simply about leaving an eating disorder “behind”. It’s about building a stronger, more authentic version of yourself. While this experience may have influenced your identity in the past, it doesn’t have to determine your future. With time and support, it is possible to reclaim lost aspects of yourself and develop new strengths that haven’t been given the opportunity to grow.
What can carers do to help a loved one during this process?
- Get to know your own ‘Self’ (Schwarts, 2021). By embodying curiosity, compassion, calmness, confidence and connectedness, carers become steady sources of support. Practicing presence, patience, persistency, and perspective-taking can help create a safe environment in which the loved one feels secure to explore their identity and emotions.
- Encourage discussions about identity, self-perception, and complex feelings around recovery helps the individual reflect and distinguish who they are apart from the eating disorder. Asking open-ended questions (e.g., “How do you feel your eating disorder influences the way you see yourself?”) nurtures self-discovery and expression.
- Recognise and affirm their strengths, values, efforts, and interests outside the illness to support the rebuilding and evolution of identity.
- Eternalising the eating disorder, which means gently using language that treats the eating disorder as a separate entity from the person (e.g., “Is this decision coming from you or from the eating disorder?” Or “This sounds like something your eating disorder wants, not what the real you would choose”). This approach helps your loved one see the eating disorder as external to them. It’s important to check in with your loved one about how externalising language feels for them, actively listen, and be open to adjusting your approach.
- Supporting a loved one through this process can be challenging, and carers themselves benefit from external guidance, community, or professional support. EDFA’s Fill The Gap lived-experience counsellors provide a confidential and safe space to process one’s own emotions and develop strategies for facilitating recovery in a loved one.
Additional reading:
Richard Schwartz, No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model.
The role of identity in anorexia nervosa: A narrative review
Identity Functioning in Patients with an Eating Disorder: Developmental Trajectories throughout Treatment
Multiple group identifications and identity compatibility in eating disorder recovery: A mixed methods study Niamh McNamara
Counselling Directory, Rediscovering identity beyond eating disorder recovery
EDFA’s Fill The Gap counselling service offer free, one-on-one online counselling to support carers in navigating the challenges of caring for a loved one with an eating disorder or disordered eating concerns.
Please contact contact Administrative Assistant Bailey Wightman on 03 9125 5670 or email bailey.wightman@edfa.org.au if you need support accessing the service.
About Eating Disorders Families Australia
Eating Disorders Families Australia (EDFA) is the only national organisation solely for carers and families of those with an eating disorder. EDFA provides support, EDucation, advocacy, and FREE online counselling services and annual membership. EDFA has a private Facebook forum, providing a safe place for eating disorder carers and family members to share experiences, seek advice and assistance, and find hope.