Carer Tips For The Holiday Season
The holiday season can be a challenging time for carers and families supporting a loved one with an eating disorder. Not only is it a time that often focuses around food, but it is also a time when family and friends (some of whom you or your loved one may not have seen in some time) get together. This can be stressful for a person experiencing an eating disorder.
Many well-intended comments from family members are often translated by an eating disorder in unhelpful ways. For example, a comment such as “You’re looking healthy” can be twisted by the eating disorder to “They think you are fat” or “You have put on sooo much weight”.
Being in the presence of people they have not seen for a while can lead someone with an eating disorder to worry about what others might be thinking about their appearance. The idea of eating in front of others can also create anxiety.
However, there are some things that can make things more manageable, and as a carer, you can play a helpful role in supporting your loved one. Below are some tips that can help holiday season stress.
Plan ahead
- Have a plan for family gatherings and meal times. Where possible, discuss what foods will be available – this may help to make your loved one feel more prepared. If your loved one has a treatment team, planning food options with their dietitian may be helpful.
- Discuss with your loved one what may help if they become distressed during an event. This may be support you could provide in the moment and/or having some coping skills in place for your loved one to draw on such as having a quiet space for them to go to or a way of communicating with you that they need some time away to take some breaths or use other skills. Making plans on how to manage stress with their psychologist can help with this.
- The holiday season often involves breaks from studies or work, particularly between Christmas and New Year. It might help to plan family activities with your loved one outside of meal times, which may provide extra structure and distraction.
- Choosing an outfit to wear to events can also be a stressful experience. It may help to have your loved one pick out what they want to wear to events before the day. Pre-planning an outfit and sticking to it can help to reduce stress when getting ready for the day’s events.
Conversations
- Summer and the holiday season can be a time filled with conversations around diets, exercise, food, weight, and shape. These may include comments like “I’ll need to run a marathon to compensate for all this food I’ve eaten”, “I’ll eat this now but I’ll be ‘good’ tomorrow” or “Wow, are you going to eat all that?!” This can be highly distressing and triggering distressing for someone with an eating disorder. It can be useful to send a pre-event reminder to family or guests to not make comments about these topics as these are not helpful or appropriate and may cause harm.
- Even with a reminder, some well-intentioned family members may make comments that could be upsetting or triggering to your loved one. Forward planning responses to these comments can be helpful. This might be a pre-planned line that may help divert and move the conversation on. For example, asking the person who made the comment how they have been or what their plans are for the holiday period.
- If talking to family and friends prior to the event, it can be also helpful to let them know you and your loved one may also not be as involved in food preparations or cleaning up after the meal. This can assist to reduce any guilt you may feel around this, so you can prioritise support for your loved one if needed
- Avoid making comments regarding what your loved one is eating or not eating. For some, being willing to eat in front of others is a major achievement.
Distractions during and after mealtimes
- It can be a helpful distraction to chat with your loved one about topics unrelated to food and weight during meal times. This can help the individual to avoid dwelling on eating disorder-driven thoughts. Some people find having music playing in the background is helpful as well.
- Having activities planned after meal times can also assist. Clearing away food and engaging in family activities such as board games, trivia, opening presents or listening to music can help distract from difficult thoughts your loved one might be having. It can also help manage urges to use eating disorder behaviours (e.g. to binge or purge). Having other activities planned other than sitting around the table and eating can help your loved one to also focus on other aspects of the holidays.
Shift the focus from food
- Try to emphasise the meaning of the holiday season for your loved one and family. Focus on spending time together, religion, or the joy of giving. It could be activities your loved one enjoys at this time, like looking at Christmas lights. Make time for conversation and activities that are not focused on the eating disorder.
Have your own support
- As it can be a difficult time of year, it can be helpful to have your own supports in place as well. Whether that be through friends, family or professionally, having your own space to talk and to plan, can be very helpful.
EDFA’s Fill The Gap program is a one-on-one online counselling service to support carers of those with an eating disorder.
Counselling sessions are available Monday to Friday. Please note that Fill The Gap will be closed on December 25th, 26th, and 27th, as well as on January 1st, 2024.
EDFA will have skeleton staff working throughout the Christmas week and support is still available via our private Facebook forum, on 1300 195 626 and via admin@edfa.org.au.
Other supports include:
Butterfly Foundation Helpline 1800 33 4673
LifeLine 13 11 14
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800
Although this time of year can come with stress, some planning and preparation can assist in managing the challenges of the holiday season.
Feel welcome to share this post with family and friends that you may be seeing over the holiday season. Families often want to know how they can support you and your loved one or are concerned about saying the ‘wrong thing’. Knowing to be mindful of comments made to your loved one and avoiding conversations about food, weight and shape in general could be two things family members do to help the day be more enjoyable for your loved one and for you.
